Lackluster Landscape

“What does a mid-century landscape look like?”

That is the question I asked myself when glancing over my back yard today. I actually felt silly when it occurred to me to search on Google and I was bombarded by results. In my defense, I’m still new to the mid-century realm. How was I to know it translated to landscaping? (If by chance you too are looking to clean up your yard in MCM styling, see Houzz.com. It’s an excellent resource for ideas.)

I’ve got the inside on lockdown. It’s nowhere near done, but, I know what I want, I have a vision and I will not rest until it comes to fruition. However, when you step outside, you will notice the huge disconnect between the inside, and my front and back yards. It’s like someone else’s idea of a pretty garden with dainty red and white flowers in the now overgrown flower beds, and big messy trees planted everywhere.  And shrubs.  Ugly, round, nondescript shrubs. Not unlike the excruciatingly dull guy you once dated. ‘Will I keep him around because I have nothing else going on right now…or will I just admit he bores the crap out of me and give him the heave-ho?’ Years later, I am experiencing that same struggle: Mr. Right verses Mr. Right Now (er, shrub)? The other glaringly obvious issue is that my home is located at the bottom of massive naked slopes. When I wake up in the morning, hear the birds chirping and get to feeling proud like I too, am walking on sunshine;  I look into the backyard, and a faint voice interrupts my minds song….”You suck, Brooke. What are you smiling at? Look at us. We’re naked. Have you no shame?”  I won’t even discuss the wood fence that is between our home and our neighbors. It would have fallen down by now except for the big tree it’s leaning on.

The Hills are Naked
The Hiiiillls are alive with the sound of faillllluurrrre

Needless to say, I’m in Home Depot CONSTANTLY.  As new homeowners, we really ought to buy stock. The returns lady knows me by first name. I arrive at Home Depot fully sure of what I need, don’t see it, and desperately start grabbing at the substitute flowers I know will die in a month because they’re only 88 cents! This gal is a sucker for a deal, even if it’s not at all what I came to buy! Emphasis on sucker. I actually bought petunias today….more for the neighbors benefit than my own. Who doesn’t like flowers, right? I should mention I don’t particularly enjoy them. Unless the flowers are very fragrant, or planted en mass in an arboretum, I’m not a fan. I would much prefer those slick clean lines that I’m obsessed with; even outdoors – in the form of perfectly spaced ornamental grasses.  Like a spreading garden pest, my kind of crazy overtakes other areas of life. Nothing goes untouched by the vines of insanity.

Falling Fence
Falling Fence, Ugly Shrub

I just want to know one thing: Where are you when I need you, Ahmad Hassan with Yard Crashers? Why must you forsake me? Can somebody help me please!?!??! Oh, yeah, and I need you to do it for free too…..I’m a do-it-yourself-er, but this is one project I need some serious help with. Until I meet said landscaping legend, here are some ideas I spied online that I think might be do-able later this fall:

Huettl Landscape Architecture seen on landscapingnetwork.com
“Retro Ranch” by
Jeffrey Gordon Smith Landscape Design

A girl can dream, can’t she?